Diary of an Autodidact: Maskerade by Terry Pratchett

Source of book: Audiobook from the library

If you love opera or musical theater, you will find this book particularly hilarious. But even if you don’t, it is a fun story and full of the usual Terry Pratchett humor and satire.

This book is in the “Witches” series within Discworld, and assumes that you are familiar with the main characters, as well as with the history of the Lancre coven. You don’t need to read the previous books to enjoy this one, but it helps to have done so.

As a quick update as to where we are, after the events of Wyrd Sisters, the riff on Shakespeare (and Hamlet in particular), the handwriting is on the wall, so to speak. The new king of Lancre, Verence II (formerly the jester - it’s a long story…) clearly has the hots for young witch Magrat Garlick, despite her flat chest, and, even though it takes two more books, he has finally succeeded in marrying her.

This leaves the coven down one witch - they need three: the maiden, the mother, and…the other one. With Magrat gone, they have no maiden, just a mother (Nanny Ogg), and…the other one (Granny Weatherwax.)

So, Nanny and Granny are off to recruit a candidate.

In this case, that is Agnes Nitt, a young woman from Lancre, who has decided to take her amazing singing voice to Ankh-Morpork intending to make it as an opera star.

The problem? Agnes is, shall we say, Wagnerian, in an era when Wagner and large women are decidedly out of style. She can sing, but cannot look the part, even after she changes her name to Perdita.

From there on out, the book becomes mostly a parody of Phantom of the Opera, while also parodying all things opera and all things musical theater. There are so many Easter Eggs, excellent puns, and references that it is impossible to catch them all in real time.

Fortunately, the Discworld Wiki has a good summary. And yes, this means that Salieri and Michael Crawford are hidden in the story. And Lon Chaney and Meatloaf.

And also that Pratchett manages to combine The Joy of Cooking AND The Joy of Sex into one title written by Nanny Ogg.

I won’t even begin to list all of the parodies of classical operas and blockbuster musicals - the titles are hilarious.

I also cannot, unfortunately, spoil the ending, which is a pretty brilliant bit of farce and theater in-jokes.

Overall, this is a most excellent story, and a lot of fun.

The one bit that is a bit awkward are the various fat jokes inherent in the plot. I can’t really complain about the “it ain’t over until the fat lady sings” reference, but a few of the references to Agnes seem a bit unkind these few decades later.

To be fair to Pratchett, Agnes is the hero of this book, and he, for the most part makes an argument for talent over appearance, even as he acknowledges that the business takes the opposite approach.

So, mixed bag here. Because Agnes is such a great character, and because Pratchett stands up for her throughout, I choose to overlook the fact that he couldn’t resist a good joke, even if it goes against our current sensibilities.

I might mention some cameo appearances in this book. The usual characters of the Watch get to bumble their way through an investigation. Not only Death, but the Death of Rats get some good likes, or at least squeaks. And Nanny’s vile cat, Greebo, plays a significant role in the plot, which is always hilarious.

Amid all of the hilarity, though, Pratchett gets to explore some more serious themes.

What is the role of art in the human experience? Why are we so attracted to stories that are a bit ludicrous or even silly? Why does spectacle thrill us so much? How is fiction such an effective vehicle for communicating truth?

In addition, Pratchett asks us about our social preference for thin, small, and blonde women. Why do they always get to be the heroine? Why do we consider fuller figured or older women to be sidekicks rather than main characters? Can they even be main characters in their own lives?

Or how about some other questions? Are we all just playing parts on the stage of life, or can we be who we truly are?

Unfortunately, I couldn’t write down quotes while I was driving, so I had to go back and search the interwebs for them. Here are a few good ones I was able to locate:

‘Are you offering to teach me something?’

‘Teach? No,’ said Granny. ‘Ain’t got the patience for teaching. But I might let you learn.’

A psychiatrist, dealing with a man who fears he is being followed by a large and terrible monster, will endeavour to convince him that monsters don't exist. Granny Weatherwax would simply give him a chair to stand on and a very heavy stick.

This one reminds me so much of MAGA:

People who would not believe a High Priest if he said the sky was blue, and was able to produce signed affidavits to this effect from his white-haired old mother and three Vestal virgins, would trust just about anything whispered darkly behind their hand by a complete stranger in a pub.

And related:

His progress through life was hampered by his tremendous sense of his own ignorance, a disability which affects all too few people.

The IQ of a mob is the IQ of its most stupid member divided by the number of mobsters.

Nanny Ogg was basically a law-abiding person when she had no reason to break the law, and therefore had that kind of person’s attitude to law-enforcement officers, which was one of deep and permanent distrust.

'Money don't buy happiness, Gytha.'

'I only wanted to rent it for a few weeks.'

She was a good witch. That was her role in life. That was the burden she had to bear. Good and Evil were quite superfluous when you’d grown up with a highly developed sense of Right and Wrong.

Nanny rather liked the theatrical world. It was its own kind of magic. That was why Esme disliked it, she reckoned. It was the magic of illusions and misdirection and foolery, and that was fine by Nanny Ogg, because you couldn’t be married three times without a little fooling.

‘There’s your heavy opera, where basically people sing foreign and it goes like “Oh oh oh, I am dyin’, oh, I am dyin’, oh, oh, oh, that’s what I’m doin’” and there’s your light opera, where they sing in foreign and it basically goes “Beer! Beer! Beer! Beer! I like to drink lots of beer!” although sometimes they drink champagne instead. That’s basically all of opera, reely.’

‘What? Either dyin’ or drinkin’ beer?’

‘Basically, yes,’ said Nanny, contriving to suggest that this was the whole gamut of human experience.

‘And that’s opera?’

‘We-ll…there might be some other stuff. But mostly it’s stout or stabbin’.’

‘Honestly, Salzella ... what is the difference between opera and madness?’

‘Is this a trick question?’

‘No!’

‘Then I’d say: better scenery.’

‘I’m Mrs Ogg,’ said Nanny Ogg.

The man looked her up and down.

‘Oh yes? Can you identify yourself?’

‘Certainly. I’d know me anywhere.’

'I must catch up on my sleep.'

'Don't worry, I shouldn't think it's had time to get far away,' said Nanny.

No one had asked her, before she was born, whether she’d want a lovely personality or whether she’d prefer, say, a miserable personality but a body that could take size 9 in dresses. Instead, people would take pains to tell her that beauty was only skin-deep, as if a man ever fell for an attractive pair of kidneys.

The people of Lancre thought that marriage was a very serious step that ought to be done properly, so they practiced quite a lot.

Bonnie Quarney had been gathering nuts in May with William Simple, and it was only because she'd thought ahead and taken a little advice from Nanny that she wouldn't be bearing fruit in February.

People who didn’t need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn’t need people.

I’m sure I have forgotten even more. So you will just have to read the book and wonder how Pratchett could contain such an endless abundance of hilarious lines.

I will never stop encouraging people to read Terry Pratchett. I think he is an underrated author, all too often relegated to “fantasy” rather than being recognized as a superb satirist and thoughtful writer on the deep issues of life.

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Here is the complete Pratchett list from my blog:

Rincewind:

Tiffany Aching: