Source of book:
Borrowed from the library
It is hard to
believe that it has been eight years since I first read Shteyngart in Super Sad True Love Story. In some ways,
that novel seems all to prescient of the Trump Era, including the obsession
with “fuckability.” Absurdistan is an earlier book, written in 2006, and
is primarily a farcical satire of the George W. Bush era foreign policy,
particularly the use of private companies to perform pseudo-military “security”
missions. Shteyngart, of course, doesn’t limit the book to this, taking aim at
Russian Oligarchs and Jewish culture, and writing the least sexy sex scenes
possible.
Misha “Snack
Daddy” Vainberg is the son of one of those oligarchs that arose after the fall
of the Soviet Union. He is educated at an American university (the fictional
“Accidental College” which is both a play on the real-life Occidental College
here in California and a spoof of Oberlin College, which Shteyngart attended),
but becomes stuck in Russia after his father kills an Oklahoma businessman,
landing the entire family on the visa blacklist.
Unsurprisingly,
Misha just coasts through life after this. He is obese and obsessed with food
(the restaurant scenes are far more sexy than the sex), in love with a
Latina woman he left behind in the Bronx, and has enough issues for a boatload
of psychologists. One of which stems from a botched circumcision his father
insisted he have, which left him with a deformed penis.
Then things go
even more wrong. Still devastated by his mother’s early death from cancer,
Misha gets to see his father blown to pieces by rival gangster Oleg the Moose.
And that is where the story begins to get more and more absurd. Oleg shows up
at the funeral, of course, because that is how it works. Misha’s American
ex-pat friend Aloysha-bob (don’t ask…) negotiates a mid-seven-figure settlement
as both compensation for the killing and purchase of the family business from
Oleg the Moose, setting Misha up for life financially. Misha, in a moment of
weakness, is seduced by his (significantly younger) stepmother, who is out to
get the money however she can, and then takes a crazy change to find his way
back to America.
To do so, he
needs a fake passport, and it turns out that Aloysha-bob knows a guy who knows
a guy who knows a guy, but it will take money. And a trip to “The Norway of the
Caspian,” Absurdisvani, aka Absurdistan. This fictional country is kinda-sorta
Turkmenistan, but also an allegory for Iraq and the other places the United
States has gotten involved with in a bid for cheap oil. There, Misha can get a
fake Belgian passport, and eventually return to the West, and his beloved
Rouenna.
Speaking of
which, she has, realizing he can’t return to the US, decided to move on to a
certain literature professor, who just happens to be a very unflattering
satire of Gary Shteyngart.
Once Misha gets
to Absurdistan, he gets his passport, but on the way back to the hotel, a civil
war breaks out. Yeah, as I said, it gets pretty dang weird. From there, we go
down a serious rabbit hole of foreign policy, which is, sadly, not nearly as
unrealistic as the rest of the story, despite the author’s attempt to make it
as ridiculous as possible. Halliburton and its subsidiary, KBR, feature
prominently, with an open-ended Department of Defense contract for “cost-plus,”
meaning a feeding trough in practice. It’s not that different from the
real Halliburton and Blackwater, particularly in retrospect - the information
that came out after the GWB years turned out to match Shteyngart’s farce in far
too many ways for comfort.
In order to
enjoy Shteyngart, you really have to “suspend disbelief” as the saying goes.
You can’t fuss about the details - it is NOT meant to be realistic in the
normal sense, or even in the “magical realism” sense. But this isn’t safe
comedy either. I already mentioned that Shteyngart is filthy and often
explicit. But never remotely sexy. I mean, reading his writing might be enough
to turn someone off from sex altogether. But damn, it’s funny too. His sex is
so absurd and neurotic that you have to laugh or it is just too much. In this
book too, there is plenty of violence. It isn’t played for laughs, exactly, but
it is also absurd and over the top and horrifying. It is also uncomfortably
accurate about our human tolerance for “collateral damage” particularly when
the dead are poor or non-white.
The other thing
that enjoyment of Shteyngart requires is an appreciation for devastatingly good
lines of satire. He hits home with regularity. Here are the ones that I liked
the best. This one, from Misha explaining why there are some days the best you
can do is drink yourself stupid along with your friends.
Without good friends, you might as well
drown yourself in Russia.
Or this
exchange, as part of the discussion of a settlement with Oleg the Moose, about
what to do with the German tourist who inadvertently filmed the
assassination.
“The German can disappear,” Captain
Belugin said. He drew a slender Teutonic outline with his index fingers, and
made the fluttering motion again.
“That’s ridiculous,” Aloysha-Bob said.
“You can’t just disappear an entire German.”
“There are eighty million of them, and
they all look fairly alike.”
Or one of
several passages involving “Jerry Shteynfarb.”
Let me give you an idea of Jerry
Shteynfarb. He had been a schoolmate of mine at Accidental College, a perfectly
Americanized Russian emigre (he came to the States as a seven-year-old) who
managed to use his dubious Russian credentials to rise through the ranks of the
Accidental creative writing department and to sleep with half the campus in the
process. After graduation, he made good on his threat to write a novel, a sad
little dirge about his immigrant life, which seems to me the luckiest kind of
life imaginable. I think it was called The Russian Arriviste’s Hand Job
or something of the sort. The Americans, naturally, lapped it up.
This is a
brilliant blending of true autobiographical details with poisonous venom and
wishful thinking. (There is no evidence that the real Shteyngart got around
much - but he did marry a Korean-American woman, something he makes fun of in
this book and in Super Sad True Love Story.) The book title is a play on
his debut, The Russian Debutante’s Handbook.
Misha isn’t a
particularly likeable protagonist - he is arrogant and narcissistic and
hedonistic. But that’s why he is so amusing. In one passage, he bemoans what he
sees as the stupidity of the State Department, which just can’t understand that
he is the perfect example of American values. He’s tacky, tasteless,
consumerist, and not that bright, after all.
Forget the Mexicans and Africans and
such. In a sense, my American story is the most compelling of all. It is the
ultimate compliment to a nation known more for its belly than its brain.
Shteyngart is
someone anti-religion in his writings, in very much the way many secular Jews
who came from dysfunctional religious backgrounds tend to be. (I know a few…)
In this and in the other book of his I read, there is at least one brief scene
that takes a bit of a dig at religion. One of them is the ethnic war in
Absurdistan over which way the footrest of the Cross should point. (Both major
groups are Orthodox...but they are mortal enemies. Also, both claim blessing
from Alexandre Dumas, who did indeed visit cities in the general area of the
Caspian…) The one that is the most pointed, however, has to be this exchange
between Misha and his stepmother, Lyuba, after she claims that they worship the
same god.
“Of course there is a God,” she said.
“No, there is not,” I said. “In fact,
the part of our soul we reserve for God is a kind of negative space where our
worst sentiments reside, our jealousy, our ire, our justification for violence
and spite.”
Misha isn’t
entirely wrong, sadly. White Evangelicalism in the last 10 years has seemed
hell-bent on proving this true.
Back to a more
humorous vein.
“Maybe Rouenna will come live with me,”
I said. “Maybe I can tempt her away from Jerry Shteynfarb. Belgium is full of
chocolate and fries, right?”
Hey, any joke
at the expense of the Belgians…The other weird stereotype is that all the
Russian sorts seem to think that orange is the color of the West. It is true
that the Communist Bloc countries have tended toward greys, but Orange is more
the color of the 1960s or 70s than any timeless Western idea. Shteyngart plays
it for laughs, of course.
Once Misha gets
to Absurdistan, he learns that there is a long history between the Absurdis and
Jews - and apparently there is a colony of Jews still in the mountains
somewhere. In practice, this means that whenever an Absurdi learns that Misha
is Jewish, he or she says some variation on this:
“The Jewish people have a long and
peaceful history in our land,” Sakha said, putting a shaking hand to his heart.
“They are our brothers, and whoever is their enemy is our enemy also. When you
are in Absurdsvani, my mother will be your mother, my wife your sister, and you
will always find water in my well to drink.”
Over, and over,
and over. With slight variations, but pretty much the same way from everyone. I
kind of wonder, given other references in the book, if this is a bit of a
parody of the Evangelical obsession with the State of Israel. After all, Misha
is enlisted to try to get Israel to support the rebel Absurdis, because that is
how you get America interested in a foreign backwater…
There are
several amusing escape scenes. They would be terrifying to be involved in, of
course, but Shteyngart instead has a very fat man running away and scaring
everyone out of his path with the threat of crushing or suffocation. And also,
this bit:
The sound of heavy machine-gun fire
reverberated throughout the city. I searched excitedly for the telltale plumes
of smoke that to me define a war zone, but the sky was given over entirely to
the treacherous sun. It was time to do something manly and American. “Go, go,
go, motherfuckers!” I yelled to Sakha and Timofey, pushing them toward our
car.
That’s probably
the American thing to say in the circumstances. Once the war breaks out, anyone
with sense tries to get the hell out of there. Including a bunch of potential
refugees surrounding the embassy with their signs. Many are amusing. But one is
devastating.
My favorite, hoisted by a grizzly old
pensioner, a simple retired laborer by the looks of him, whose sign was
nonetheless written in perfectly correct English: WE ARE NO WORSE THAN YOU ARE,
WE ARE ONLY POORER.
And THAT is the
uncomfortable truth about immigration, isn’t it?
There are a
number of flashbacks throughout the book, to events like the botched
circumcision. The most amusing is the memory of Misha’s college days with Jerry
Shteynfarb and Aloysha-Bob. In a scene involving an acid trip, Aloysha-Bob
decides to toss his belongings away out the window.
“Why, if I may ask, are you dispensing
with all of your personal effects? Are you indeed a Buddhist?”
“I’m not anything,” he said, breathing
hard against the cold. “But I want to be a Russian. A real Russian. Not like
Shteynfarb or Girshkin.”
I sighed with pleasure at the unspoken
compliment. “But real Russians love all the things you have thrown out,” I
said. “For example, I am now asking my father to send money so that I may buy
an Apple Macintosh computer. Also I would like Bose speakers and a Harman
Kardon subwoofer.”
“You really want all that shit?”
Aloysha-Bob asked…
“Oh, yes,” I said.
“That’s interesting,” he said. “I’ve
been associating Russian life with spirituality.”
“Well, some of us are believers,” I
said. “But mostly we just want things.”
“Oh,” he said. “Wow. I think Girshkin
and Shteynfarb have really led me astray.”
Shteyngart
riffs on this idea later when Misha meets an old playwright in
Absurdistan.
“Quietly the Leopard Rises,” I
said, “that sounds very familiar. Was it performed in Petersburg recently?”
“Perhaps,” Parka Mook said as he
regretfully let go of his chicken leg. “But it’s not very good. When you put a
Shakespeare or a Beckett or even a Pinter next to me, you will see how very
small I am.”
“Nonsense, nonsense!” the gathered
shouted.
“You’re very modest,” I told the
playwright.
He smiled and waved me away. “It’s nice
to do something for your country,” he said. “But soon I will die and my work
will disappear forever. Oh well. Death should be a pleasant release for me. I
can hardly wait to drop dead. Maybe tomorrow the sweet day will come. Now, what
did you ask me?”
I’ll end with a
quote that is ostensibly aimed at the former Soviet Union, but is also
pertinent to the United States. Misha is fascinated with military equipment.
(Me too, honestly...particularly aircraft.)
All of us who grew up in the Red Army’s
shadow became lifelong aficionados of destruction, enthralled by anything that
could bring swift ruin to the enemy. Like any empire in decline, ours was
becoming ever more brilliant at knocking things apart, at raising palls of
smoke over cratered school yards and charred market stalls.
Or, as Don
Henley and company put it:
Weavin' down the American highway
Through the litter and the wreckage and
the cultural junk
Bloated with entitlement, loaded on
propaganda
Now we're drivin' dazed and drunk
Been down the road to Damascus, the
road to Mandalay
Met the ghost of Caesar on the Appian
way
He said, "It's hard to stop this
bingein' once you get a taste
But the road to empire is a bloody
stupid waste"
Behold the bitten apple, the power of
the tools
But all the knowledge in the world is
of no use to fools
And it's a long road out of Eden
That, in the
end, is probably the theme of the book. Misha is a microcosm of the problem,
representing the empire living on its wealth with nothing deeper than the
desire for more. The US consumer-industrial complex uses and discards countries
the way Misha discards women, and devours the plenty of our planet while others
starve. Don’t expect positive advice from Shteyngart. His is the difficult job
of satire, not the equally difficult job of creating rational and workable
policy. And he mostly succeeds. Absurdistan is a funny book. But also
horrifying and thought provoking. Nobody writes quite like Shteyngart, and I
suspect he is an acquired taste. But I have been glad I read both books.