Tuesday, July 11, 2023

Heavy Water and Other Stories by Martin Amis

Source of book: Borrowed from the library

 

Sometimes, the impetus to read an author comes when they die - and that was the case here. I’m more familiar with Martin’s father, Kingsley, although I haven’t read any of his novels, believe it or not. When Martin kicked the bucket, I figured maybe I could find something at the library, and this one was available. 

 

I’m generally a fan of short stories anyway, and a story collection seemed a good way to jump in and get a bit of a slice of Amis’ writing. There are nine stories in this book, which was published in 1998. The stories themselves were written between 1976 and 1997, and were originally published in magazines. 

 

I found the collection a bit uneven. There were a few I really loved, a few that were good but not spectacular, and some that felt clunky. I’ll go through them all in this post. Amis is a skilled writer, so even the ones I liked less showed skill. 

 

“Career Move”

 

This is one of two stories wherein Amis turns reality on its head, imagining a world in which things are the opposite of our own. In this case, poets are lauded, flown around the world, and discussed endlessly by the general public. Screen writers, on the other hand, languish in obscurity, writing for small journals and discussing their craft among themselves, but living barely on the margins of public interest. This was one of my favorites, in part because of the delicious use of language and incident to flip the script. 

 

For example, discussing poems:

 

After an inconclusive day spent discussing the caesura of “Sonnet”’s opening line, Luke and his colleagues went for cocktails at Strabismus. They were given the big round table near the piano.

Jane said, “TCT is doing as sequel to ‘’Tis.’”

Joan said, “Actually it’s a prequel.”

“Title?” said Joe/

“Undecided. At TCT they’re calling it ‘’Twas.;”

 

And the discussion of the endless rewrites. 

 

Luke had never felt very protective about “Sonnet.” Even its original version he had regarded as little more than a bargaining chip. Nowadays he rewrote “Sonnet” every night at the Pinnacle Trumont before Henna arrived and they started torturing room service. “Blank,” said Luke. “Blank. I don’t know, Joe. I could go ABAB ABAB or even ABAB CDCD. Christ, I’d go AABB if I didn’t think it’d tank the final couplet. But blank. I never thought I’d go blank.”

“Well, it needs something,” said Joe.

Maybe it’s the pentameter,” said Luke. “Maybe it’s the iamb. Hey, here’s one from left field. How about syllabics?” 

 

The thing about this story is that it is so unexpected, so unlike anything else. It is nice to be surprised sometimes. 

 

“Denton’s Death”

 

This short one from 1976 is kind of odd. The title character sits alone in his squalid room waiting to be assassinated by killers with some sort of machine. There is so little context that it feels more like a vignette. Perhaps it was just inspired by Gary Larsen? This was okay, but nothing special. 


 

“State of England”

 

This is one of the longer ones, with a pretty sprawling narrative. A bouncer with some connections to shady activities is watching his son race for a private school, while he uses his cell phone to communicate with his estranged wife. But it also talks about immigration and the anxiety it brings to many “native” English. And the question of how to navigate a failed relationship. And not letting one’s kid down. I thought this one was quite good - a lot of nuance. 

 

I also liked this line:

 

The law of fashion said that every child had to offend its parents aesthetically. 

 

“Let Me Count the Times”

 

This is a truly bizarre story - it feels like maybe it was written on a dare or something. A man who seems pretty obsessive logs every sexual encounter with his wife, and becomes concerned at any departure from the average.

 

And then, he goes on a trip and ends up masturbating for the first time in years. This spirals into what can only be described as a torrid affair….with himself. He wanks until he makes himself nearly impotent. His fantasy life becomes ever more vivid, with him imagining sex with an incredible variety of women. His poor wife can’t figure out what happened, and worries she is no longer attractive to him.

 

And then the fever burns itself out, and they return to normalcy. 

 

I’m not sure how I feel about the topic, but the writing is taut and focused and really brings out the obsession. 

 

“The Coincidence of the Arts”

 

This is another story that has an unusual feel. An English baronet (with all that implies in the context in literature) lives in America for a while, and ends up making friends with a chess hustler. Who just happens to have written a novel that he wants the Englishman to read. This is odd, because the baronet dabbles in painting, and would have no particular expertise. 

 

At the same time, he starts an affair with an Afro-Caribbean woman who never talks. Ever. We never learn what exactly the book is about, though, which is a bit disappointing, I think. A good story, but not my favorite of the bunch. 

 

“Heavy Water”

 

This one is achingly sad. A woman takes her developmentally disabled adult son on a Mediterranean cruise, and neither of them has a particularly good time. It almost ends tragically, but not quite. Again, more of a vignette here than a full story, but an unforgettable picture. 

 

“The Janitor on Mars”

 

Okay, this is the one I really disliked. The first part of the premise is interesting - a science fiction tale of contact from a robot janitor on Mars, who only contacts Earth once it is clear that Earth is doomed by an asteroid. Before this is revealed, though, there is a long and rather tedious account of the bloody history of the Martians over a few billion years - they evolved faster. I feel like Amis is trying to make a point here, but I am not at all clear what it is. Is it about the futility of war? The human tendency to form tribes and fight each other? Environmental destruction? Not sure. 

 

But the other part of the story is all about pedophilia at a terrible school in England, and it seems disconnected from the rest of the story, unnecessary, and gratuitous. Nothing hung together in this one - it was disjointed and tried to go too many places, in my opinion. 

 

“Straight Fiction”

 

This is the other “reality upside down” story. In this one, being gay is the norm, and straight people are marginalized and viewed with suspicion. Preachers rail against straight “alternative lifestyles,” and straights have to form their own communities. At the same time, there is great fascination with straightness - was Henry James secretly straight? How about Jane Austen? Did she really want Darcy to end up with [gasp] Elizabeth, rather than Bingley, but went for the conventional ending? 

 

Movie stars worry about being outed as straight - it might ruin their careers. 

 

As a thought experiment, this story is outstanding. The narrator is a gay guy who ends up fascinated with a straight woman - we are left wondering if he might be secretly bisexual himself. One line describing him is pretty funny.

 

One thing about Cleve: he was more thoughtful than he looked. Being more thoughtful than he looked was getting easier all the time…

 

Oh, and this one too:

 

“Christ, where do they get off calling themselves straight? They take a fine old English word and fuck it up for the rest of us.”

 

That certainly sounds familiar from the subculture I was raised in – complaining about the use of “gay” and rainbows.

 

There are far too many references to our current culture to list, but this story is a real tour-de-force. 

 

“What Happened to Me On Holiday”

 

This is another sad story. A young child’s perspective on a holiday gone wrong - another child drowns. It is written in essentially “toddler speak,” and is thus a bit challenging to read. Apparently, somewhere there is audio of Amis reading this story. Whether or not you like the unconventional spellings and sounds, the story itself is fascinating. It really puts you in the head of a child too young to entirely understand what has happened. 

 

So there you are. It is an interesting collection, with a few truly outstanding stories. 

 

Wednesday, July 5, 2023

The Luck of the Bodkins by P. G. Wodehouse

Source of book: I own this

 

Hey, what’s better than a shipboard romance? How about THREE shipboard romances that threaten to go wrong, a bumbling steward, a Mickey Mouse doll, a smuggled necklace, AND a baby alligator? 

 

If that doesn’t sound like a Wodehouse plot, well…


 

The Luck of the Bodkins is a sort of a spin-off. The titular character, Mr. Montague Bodkin, aka “Monty,” plays a role in an earlier Lord Emsworth book, Heavy Weather. More than 30 years later, at the end of his life, Wodehouse would write a sequel to The Luck of the Bodkins, The Plot that Thickened. (As is the case with many Wodehouse books, there is an alternate title to that one, Pearls, Girls, and Monty Bodkin.) 

 

Poor Monty has a problem. Sure, he is fairly rich, and has no need of ever doing any work for the rest of his life. But he wants to marry Gertrude Butterwick, a star hockey player. The problem? Her father insists that he hold a job for at least a year before he will consent to the marriage. 

 

Gertrude and her team is leaving for America on the Atlantic for a tournament, and she has just summarily broken up with Monty. He quickly books a ticket himself, with the aim of finding out what went wrong, and win her back. 

 

Meanwhile, Gertrude’s cousins, the brothers Reginald and Ambrose Tennyson, are also on the boat. Ambrose is a novelist of limited success, who, until recently, had a steady job at the Admiralty. Reggie, on the other hand, has dodged employment for years, but has finally been sent to Canada to work at a boring job far from anyone he knows. Reggie and Monty went to school together, and are old friends, although Reggie’s sense of humor is creating a problem - he jokes about how much of a player Monty is to Gertrude, and she takes him seriously. 

 

And what about Ambrose? Well, he quit his job because he was offered a job as a screenwriter by Ivor Llewellyn, the famous Hollywood studio boss, which is why he is going to America. He has also fallen in love with one of the studio’s starlets, Lotus “Lottie” Blossom, who is also returning…with a pet alligator. 

 

Problems arise soon after departure. Monty finds that someone has written romantic messages on his stateroom bathroom wall in lipstick - probably the notoriously flirtatious Lottie - whose stateroom is right next to his.

 

Mr. Llewellyn, meanwhile, has problems of his own. Traveling with his sister-in-law, he has been tasked with smuggling a fabulously expensive necklace through customs for his wife - who threatens divorce if he doesn’t do the deed. 

 

And then it gets worse for him: he discovers, to his horror, that Ambrose is not THAT Tennyson…the one who wrote, well, let’s see, that poem about “The Boy on the Burning Deck.” 

 

Okay, all the serious literature fans are saying, what??? I mean, it’s one thing to not realize that Alfred, Lord Tennyson was long deceased, but who seriously thinks that he wrote that bit of melodramatic dreck? 

 

That is one of the running jokes in this book: everyone knows the poem, but has no clue who wrote it. Was it Tennyson? Shakespeare? Milton? 

 

For those of our modern times, the poem is “Casabianca,” by Felicia Dorothea Hemans, who was from the generation before Tennyson. It is a story (possibly apocryphal) of a ship boy who was told by his father to stay on deck and keep watch. The ship burns to the water along with him, but he stood fast because his daddy said to. 

 

Apparently, this was the sort of staple for British schoolkids that “The Ride of Paul Revere” was to us Americans. Everyone learned it. A million parodies were written. And it became the butt of many a joke. 

 

In any event, Ivor’s unpleasant realization leads him to fire Ambrose midway across the Atlantic. 

 

Reggie, in the meantime, has fallen in love with Ivor’s sister-in-law Mabel, but he needs to have money or he will be stuck in Canada far from her. 

 

Making things exponentially worse at every possible turn is the fastidious but clueless steward, Albert Peasemarch. Honestly, the book could have ended after the first quarter of the story but for his bumbling. Which, of course, is part of the humor. Peasemarch takes himself so damn seriously, and thinks immensely of his talents. In fact, the book nearly ends in an impossible mess due to his actions, but his decision to break an ethical rule restores order. 

 

But what will happen to everyone? Will Gertrude finally believe that poor Monty is faithful to him? Will Lottie stop flirting with everyone long enough to see that she is jeopardizing her own love life? Will Reggie ever get enough income to marry Mabel? And how does a Mickey Mouse doll fit into all this?

 

Well, you will have to read the book to find out.

 

As usual, there are so many delicious lines. The first time we meet Llewellyn:

 

As he sat there in conference with his wife’s sister Mabel, his brow was furrowed, his eyes bulged, and each of his three chins seemed to compete with the others in activity of movement. As for his hands, so briskly did they weave and circle that he looked like a plump Boy Scout signaling items of interest to some colleague across the way. 

 

And, our introduction to Reggie, after a night of celebration at the Drones Club:

 

In this, it differed substantially from the young man with the dark circles under his eyes who was propping himself up against a penny-in-the-slot machine. An undertaker, passing at that moment, would have looked at this young man sharply, scenting business. So would a buzzard. It would have seemed incredible to them that life still animated that limp frame. The Drones Club had given Reggie Tennyson a farewell party on the previous night, and the effects still lingered.

 

Ambrose, a bit melodramatic after getting fired, being subjected to an effusive Monty:

 

This caused Ambrose to grind his teeth a little. The panegyric had cut into his valuable time. Every minute spent in this state-room meant a minute when he was not on the promenade deck contemplating suicide.

 

Monty, who cannot seem to escape the company of the flirtatious Lottie:

 

He was also wishing that if Miss Blossom found it necessary to invade his privacy, she would not bring her alligator with her.

 

Monty, contemplating the problems of a civilized society, after Peasemarch runs amok again:

 

As he dragged his stumbling feet along the corridor, he was musing on Albert Peasemarch and the grave social problem which such men as Albert Peasemarch presented. You could not murder them. You could not even have them shut up in asylums. Yet, left to run around loose, what a gangrene in the body politic they were. He seemed to picture the world as a vast cauldron of soup, with good men like himself for ever standing on the brink and for ever being shoved into it by the Albert Peasemarches.

 

Monty, trying to retrieve the Mickey Mouse doll that the meddling Peasemarch has given to Lottie, and taking up Reggie on his offer to steal it for the right price:

 

This was not the first time that Monty Bodkin had found himself in the role of the capitalist who hires underlings to do sinister work for him. 

 

This is a reference to the previous book, wherein he becomes involved in a plot to purloin a manuscript. 

 

Reggie, out to steal the item in question:

 

What he was giving at this moment was a perfect representation of one of those men who are always getting arrested by the police for loitering with intent. A policeman, had one been present, might have been uncertain as to whether Reggie was meditating murder, arson, robbery from the person with violence, or the purchase of chocolates after eight p.m., but he would have known it was something pretty bad. 

 

And, finally, one that warms my lawyer heart. 

 

Whatever soul a motion-picture magnate possesses always revolts against the heretical suggestion of a contract without options.

“No options?” he said wistfully, for he loved the little things.

“Nary a one.” said Mabel.

 

Since discovering Wodehouse back in high school, I have read quite a few. His books are still hilarious, and have the kind of harmless, venomless humor that makes for a good vacation read, or an escape into a world where even dim-witted aristocrats can come out all right in the end. 

 

***

 

Here is the Wodehouse list for the blog - the last 13 or so years of Wodehouse reading: 

 

The Adventures of Sally

Aunts Aren’t Gentlemen

Biffen’s Millions

Cocktail Time

The Code of the Woosters     

Jeeves and the Mating Season

Love Among the Chickens

Summer Lightning

Thank You Jeeves

Uncle Dynamite

Uncle Fred in the Springtime

The Uncollected Wodehouse

Young Men in Spats

 

Monday, July 3, 2023

The Rise of Silas Lapham by William Dean Howells

Source of book: I own this.

 

This post is dedicated to a man who I never met, but who was a significant positive influence in my life: Mr. William Collins. Many years ago, he suggested that I read The Rise of Silas Lapham, and now I finally did. 

 

A bit of background is necessary to explain. I was homeschooled from grade 2 onward, at a time when homeschooling was little known and much misunderstood. I guess one could say I was one of the earlier homeschoolers back in the day. 

 

Unlike many parents a few years later, I was not homeschooled because of religious ideals, and certainly not with the theofascist goals of false teachers like Rushdoony. Rather, I was a really sickly child, and attending the church-affiliated private school for my first two years resulted in a never-ending series of illnesses, mostly bronchitis. The principal, noticing that I was missing nearly half my days, and taking home all the work anyway, suggested that my parents just pull me out and homeschool me. For a number of years thereafter, we were just another normal middle-class Christian suburban family - except we homeschooled. 

 

It wasn’t until years later, after swimming in the increasingly fundamentalist waters of the homeschool movement that my parents started to drift toward authoritarian fundamentalism. Gothard and his cult didn’t arrive until high school for me, and by then, I was already on a different academic track. 

 

From the beginning, my parents believed in a solid academic education, and I got one. I learned the typing and writing skills I use everyday at my job - and for this blog - from my mother, who drilled proper grammar into me. I learned math pretty well for the era (expectations have definitely risen for my kids - their advanced algebra is a lot harder than mine or my parents’.) 

 

When we started homeschooling, curriculum was really difficult to obtain. Publishers refused to sell direct to consumers - you had to go through a school. For many of us starting out, then, there were extremely limited options, mostly from fundamentalist religious publishers affiliated with private colleges. 

 

Believe it or not, the A Beka textbooks we used (mostly) were the least crazy and fundamentalist of the ones readily available at that time. And, they at least had some academic rigor, even though we ended up recycling a lot of our childhood books after taking another look as adults. 

 

No real complaints about the grammar and math texts. But OH MY FREAKING LORD the history and science were awful. For history, it was an incredibly white-people-centric viewpoint, dismissing brown skinned people before European contact as a bunch of godless, half-naked savages. And, of course, since Conservative Protestant Christianity is the only possible true religion, every contact of foreign cultures by European Conservative Protestants was a net benefit to those savages. 

 

So, for example, never mind the extermination of the Native Americans or the theft of their land - they heard about Jesus! Never mind the transatlantic slave trade and centuries of enslavement (although at least A Beka conceded slavery was wrong - I’m not sure Bob Jones University Press ever did) - the enslaved became Christians so slavery was kind of good in the long run for them! And on and on and on. 

 

Science too was an absolute freaking mess. Once you take an old earth and evolution off the table, most of the last 200 years of science can’t really be taught. 

 

To their credit, my parents supplemented a lot, and encouraged us to read. Not that they believed in evolution, but they did (back then at least) push back on the Eurocentric white supremacist assumptions. (They both grew up as missionary kids, and, when I was young - pre-Gothard and pre-Trump - raised us to think in an anti-racist way. Which is why their devolution over the last 30 years has been so traumatic to me: they used to be better, and chose to become worse.) 

 

So, back to the curriculum thing. In 9th grade, the wheels started to come off when it came to parent instruction and written curriculum only. The final straw was a newly revised Saxon algebra textbook that was riddled with errors in the answer key. My mom barely passed algebra in high school (due in significant part to sexist attitudes about women and math by her teacher), and my dad wasn’t proficient anymore and didn’t have time to daily teach due to being the sole breadwinner. It was a bit of a rough year, and we all knew that changes had to be made.

 

Conveniently, A Beka had just started offering a set of video courses. If you watched them, did the homework, and took the tests, you got actual high school credit. True, it was through their private school in Florida (which caused some weird issues with California later - not serious ones but a bit of a pain to navigate) - but still, a real high school diploma. 

 

Those three years I spent doing the video classes were a lifesaver. I truly needed the instruction from professional teachers, and, unlike my siblings, I thrived in that environment. (Their struggles are another issue, and a whole other story - I ended up having to pick up the slack and literally teach them high school math and science. They learned a lot, but I should never have been put in that position, and my sister never forgave me.) 

 

While I could say good things about most of the video teachers (even if 30 years later I cannot remember most of their names), I have to give a particular shout out to William Collins, who taught English 10 and English 12. 

 

He was simply a fantastic teacher. 

 

He was nearing retirement, and had a bit of the crusty old guy style, but he knew his literature, and still cared deeply about it near the end of his career. Furthermore, despite the fundamentalist institution he was part of, he subtly subverted the narrow approach to literature. Where the text often dismissed 20th Century writers as “atheists,” Mr. Collins took the time to engage with them as writers, and took the ideas as worthwhile whether they fit the party line or not. He encouraged us to think beyond the textbook analysis. He took my love for poetry and filled in the mechanics of how it works - how the feet, meter, rhyme, and feel of the words will become part of the meaning of the poem. More than anything, he instilled a true love of literature that too many teachers seem to lack. 

 

It wasn’t only him, of course. My mom in particular used to love good literature, and read it to us at young ages. (It has been many years since I remember seeing her read anything for herself that wasn’t religious or alternative “medicine” though - another way she sadly changed.) 

 

In any case, somewhere in one of the lectures by Mr. Collins, Silas Lapham came up. It wouldn’t have been in American Lit, because another teacher (less memorable) taught that one, and strictly by the book. So I am guessing that it was either in the 10th Grade general literature (2nd semester) in a discussion of Gilded Age “rags-to-riches” books (see below), or perhaps as a side note to the realist movement in English Lit in 12th grade. Probably the former. 

 

Mr. Collins mentioned the book as essentially the opposite plot arc: the “riches-to-rags” version. But with a twist. The title references Lapham’s moral rise - as his wealth melts away, he rediscovers his conscience, and becomes a better man. That’s not all the book is about, though, but it is certainly a key part of the plot arc. 

 

***

 

Before I get into the book itself, I want to say a bit about William Dean Howells. 


 

You cannot even begin to read about the American literary scene of the latter half of the 19th Century and the beginning of the 20th without running across Howells. Ask a casual reader about him, and you probably get a blank stare. Ask a literature nut about him, and watch the eyes light up. 

 

The first true flowering of literary culture in America took place in this period, and so many of the giants - those household names - were all interconnected. 

 

Nathaniel Hawthorne, Henry David Thoreau, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Henry James, William James, James Russell Lowell - all of these were friends with Howells. 

 

But it wasn’t just the friendships that made Howells the center of these groups. In 1866, he became editor of The Atlantic Monthly and Harper’s, and used his influence to promote authors that he found worthy of assistance. As it turned out, Howells had fantastic taste, and was one of the greatest editors of all time at identifying world-class - indeed pantheon-level - talent. 

 

This carried over a generation later, as he helped give a start to a more diverse group of writers, including Sarah Orne Jewett and Paul Laurence Dunbar among others. He advocated for other authors from around the world - Ibsen, Tolstoy, Zola - and at risk of neglect here in the US - Emily Dickinson for one. 

 

This is only a partial list, and reading the names he was connected to is like reading a list of the best and most influential writers of a 60 year span. 

 

It is no wonder he earned the title of “The Dean of American Writing.” 

 

He was also a thoughtful man, opposing imperialism, advocating for social justice. He was a Christian Socialist (no, those are not incompatible, despite what the religious right would have you believe), although not a Marxist. His writing gives evidence of a deep sense of empathy and of the brotherhood of humankind. 

 

Oh, and he wrote a bit himself as well. 

 

That part turned out to be less enduring than his role in the rise of other, better writers. I can’t find who said it, unfortunately, but I once heard a quote that the lesser stars in the sky are also important, not just the brightest. 

 

I think this applies to authors like Howells. He was by no means a bad writer. He was good. He was fine. He just wasn’t Mark Twain. And that is okay. He is still worth reading. 

 

***

 

The Rise of Silas Lapham is a story of a particular era, and a particular strain of American mythology, namely, the “Self-made man” who goes from “rags to riches.” But in Howell’s hands, this is no boilermaker, and it certainly isn’t the Horatio Alger story - the boy with good morals who finds a rich benefactor to raise him from poverty - either. 

 

Rather, Silas Lapham is a complex, nuanced man. He starts out essentially as a farm kid, serves as an officer in the Civil War, and comes to wealth based on his unshakeable belief in the paint pigments found in the earth of his family farm. He marries his childhood love, Persis, and they have two daughters, the beautiful if a bit dull Irene, and the plainer and snarky Penelope. 

 

His belief in his paint, combined with his army pension, allow him to found a company, and become wealthy through his sales of that magical paint. 

 

Along the way, though, he has lost something. 

 

Always a bit uncouth and rough, he aspires to become higher class, but has no real idea how. He starts building a large house in the trendier section of Boston, and purchases expensive books that he never gets around to reading. (Shades of the Squire in The Vicar of Bulhampton by Anthony Trollope, who had become very fond of the outsides of his books…) 

 

Everything is going great, but several clouds appear on the horizon. First, the young scion of an old money family, Tom Corey, decides he should do better than live on the family wealth, and go find a purpose in life. He asks to work for Silas, who takes him on. The Laphams believe that Tom is getting sweet on Irene, but it turns out that he actually love Penelope, which breaks Irene’s heart (temporarily), and leads Penelope to reject his love rather than, as she believes, betray her sister. 

 

Persis begins to suspect that Silas has another woman on the side, because of money he is paying to someone with initials. She is wrong, because he is actually paying what he feels is a debt of honor to the widow and daughter of a fallen comrade. 

 

He does this behind her back, because she disapproves. Instead, she thinks that Silas did wrong by his former partner, Rogers, who has done poorly after Silas forcibly cashed him out of the business (for good reasons, but she doesn’t understand that.) She convinces Silas to try to help Rogers, which ends VERY badly for everyone. 

 

Oh, and a new competitor has started to undercut the Lapham business because of a lucky strike of natural gas.

 

Yeah, so things go south, and Lapham loses most of his wealth, not least of which because he refuses to go along with Rogers in dumping his distressed assets to a naive buyer. He gains his soul, but loses the world, so to speak. 

 

The plot itself feels a bit dated, although I would say that is the case for a lot of classics. Times change, obviously. The idea of Boston (or New York) social climbing is as foreign as the parlours of Jane Austen. But perhaps all the more interesting for all that. 

 

What feels timeless in this book are the family relationships. The Laphams are a “new money” family trying to fit in with the “old money” society they find themselves in. It is uncomfortable for everyone, except possibly Irene, but she is too timid to really rise on her own. 

 

Silas is hilariously rough and out of his element. I mean, he really isn’t a bad guy - he isn’t rising from depravity to virtue, but more from unfortunate bumbling to moral clarity. He tries so hard. He does right by his employees, until he runs out of money and everyone suffers. He loves and cherishes the wife of his youth. And she loves him. Their brief periods of distrust and frustration are all the more poignant because they are clearly both better working together as partners. 

 

Howells writes the female characters rather well, in my opinion. Irene could be insipid, but she has more depth than she appears by the end of the story. Persis is every bit Silas’ equal - neither is perfect, and their combined mistakes are to blame for the financial catastrophe - but they both are the kind of decent people that I would be happy to know. And they respect each other! (Victorian literature often reduces women to “ministering angels” on a pedestal, but Howells makes Persis fully human.) 

 

Penelope is a particularly fascinating character. She is highly intelligent and thoughtful. And, while snarky, a good person who does not desire to hurt others. 

 

And then there are the dynamics of the Corey family. The mother is horrified at the thought of joining their family with the lower class Laphams. The father, on the other hand, has the totally stoic - or perhaps lighthearted - approach of “we have no control anyway, so let’s just enjoy the show” attitude. 

 

Tom is, as young men are, way too overearnest. But in a totally believable way. Which is why even though Howells tries to create some mystery, any perceptive reader will know immediately that Tom will be sweet on Penelope, not Irene. It is the Laphams, who are still a bit enthralled with the idea that money pays for beauty, who miss the signs. This too is fully in character for them. 

 

I should mention as well some great scenes. The one where the Laphams are invited to a dinner party at the Corey’s is straight up hilarious….in a winceworthy way. From the very beginning, it goes wrong. Penelope refuses to go - probably because she is the only one in the family who realizes that Tom loves her, not Irene - and because she realizes she has the hots for Tom as well. 

 

Silas, who doesn’t usually drink, ends up doing so to be polite, but has no idea how strong the liquor is. To his credit, he is merely laughable and tasteless rather than actually bad when drunk, but still, it is a huge embarrassment to everyone. 

 

There is also the one where Lapham accidentally burns his incomplete house to the ground - and then is relieved that the insurance had expired so at least he won’t risk prosecution. 

 

As I mentioned, Howells is not a pantheon writer, but he is quite good. He was meticulous about his craft, and, while it may lack the soaring flights of the greatest writers, it is also never terrible, or even bad. Or even clunky - the worst parts are…fine actually. And the best parts are quite good, and well worth quoting. 

 

The book opens, for example, with a reporter interviewing Silas, recently reduced to the role of employee at a business he used to own. I love this exchange: 

 

“That’s what I’m after,” said Bartley. “Your money or your life.”

“I guess you wouldn’t want my life without the money,” said Lapham. 

 

Later in the interview, Silas expresses his deep admiration for Persis, who has been with him since the beginning. 

 

“No hang back about her. I tell you she was a woman!”

Bartley laughed. “That;s the sort most of us marry.”

“No, we don’t,” said Lapham. “Most of us marry silly little girls grown up to look like women.”

 

Obviously, flip the genders and this is also true. But yeah, I really preferred a real adult woman, and I married her. 

 

I also loved this exchange between Bromfield Corey and his son Tom, about the question of whether the Laphams were, well, acceptable. This is the first real flash of spirit which tells us that Tom is more thoughtful than his parents realize. 

 

“No one can help feeling that they are all people of good sense, and - right ideas.”

“Oh, that won’t do. If society took in all the people of right ideas and good sense, it would expand beyond the calling capacity of its most active members. Even your mother’s social conscientiousness could not compass it. Society is a very different sort of thing from good sense and right ideas…” 

 

After Corey expresses his love to Penelope, and she cuts him off pretty harshly, Silas and Persis try to figure out how to fix the problem. After all, if Penelope continues to refuse, everyone is unhappy. Whereas if she accepts Tom, then at least they will be happy, and only Irene will be left unhappy. I mean, a bit of utilitarianism here, right? But this line is hilarious. 

 

“And I’m set she shall,” said Lapham, with the loud obstinacy of a man whose women always have their way. 

 

Come on, we ALL know men like this. 

 

There is another exchange between Penelope and Tom, over the sort of romance novels that the girls read. Penelope may read them, but she thinks them impossibly silly. 

 

“It’s silly - it’s wicked for any one to do what that girl did. Why can’t they let people have a chance to behave reasonably in stories?”

“Perhaps they couldn’t make it so attractive,” suggested Corey, with a smile. 

 

As things start to go wrong, Persis realizes her advice regarding Rogers has been poor. Silas, though, refuses to blame her. I mean, she has always meant well, and he won’t condemn her for making a mistake. And they both want what is best for their daughters. She notes that some people have lost their children altogether. His response reveals who he is. 

 

“Yes, but that don’t comfort me any. I never was one to feel good because another man felt bad.”

 

As Lapham’s situation crumbles, Rogers appears with a scheme - or a scam, perhaps. Check out this line:

 

“And do you think that I am going to steal these men’s money to help you plunder somebody in a new scheme?” answered Lapham. The sneer was on behalf of virtue, but it was still a sneer. 

 

Oh man. Yeah, sneering on behalf of virtue is far too satisfying - I would know, unfortunately. 

 

Another perceptive line is when Howells is describing Persis’ attempts to find out why Silas is paying money out. Her own discomfort with the situation has its own twist. 

 

That was another curse of their prosperity. Well, she was glad the prosperity was going; it had never been happiness.

 

Once Persis finds out the truth, though, there is a relief. 

 

Mrs. Lapham knew that her husband was to blame for nothing but his willful, wrong-headed kind-heartedness, which her own exactions had turned into deceit. 

 

At the risk of spoilers, Tom and Penelope do marry in the end - which the reader knows they should - and end up moving to South America, where Tom believes he can sell the paint to new markets. Penelope has no illusions. 

 

“Your mother will never like me, and perhaps - perhaps I shall not like her.”

“Well,” said Corey, a little daunted, “you won’t have to marry my family.”

 

Yeah, this resonates a bit. I think my wife understood earlier than I did that my mom would never accept her, let alone like her. I may have been naive like Corey, but I think I too eventually came around to the idea that if family refuses to accept the situation, they have to be cut loose. 

 

I’ll end with a bit from Irene, who, when she finds out that Penelope is holding out on Tom for her sake, is horrified. 

 

“Penelope Lapham, have you been such a ninny as to send that man away on my account? Because if you did, I’ll thank you to bring him back again. I’m not going to have him thinking that I’m dying for a man that never cared for me. It’s insulting, and I’m not going to stand it.”

 

And that’s when you realize that Irene has enough of the family spunk to do just fine. She’ll find love soon enough, rather than do the Victorian “dying of love for a man that never cared for me” thing. 

 

In conclusion, while I was reading the book, I enjoyed it, but didn’t have quite the “wow, this is fantastic” feeling like I have with some books. But, when I got to the end of it, I felt that it was a truly satisfying story. It was artisan craftsmanship, a plot arc that showed careful planning, characters that were fully realized, delicious sentences, and thoughtful ideas. And really, there is a sort of greatness in solid writing. (This is, by the way, one of the reasons that I love Anthony Trollope - careful craftsmanship and thoughtful writing combined with psychological perception are worthwhile for their own sake.) 

 

So, give William Dean Howells a shot. His realistic style influenced a generation, and his advocacy on behalf of authors and ideas changed American letters forever. 

 

Sunday, July 2, 2023

The Strictest School in the World by Howard Whitehouse

Source of book: We own this

 

Quite a number of years ago, we got this series of books for our older kids on the recommendation of a friend. They enjoyed them, but I never ended up reading them. Since my youngest still likes being read to, she requested we read this one. 

 

The Strictest School in the World is a silly, sometimes slapstick, British school tale. Fourteen year old Emmaline is sent to live with her aunt, the rather daft and hippie but kind, Aunt Lucy, who feeds her on bizarre natural foods (including slugs and other creepy crawlies.) There, she becomes friends with a boy, Robert Burns, aka Rab, aka “Rubberbones” for his ability to fall without getting hurt. The two of them, with the support of Aunt Lucy, and the assistance of her butler, Lal Singh, experiment making gliders. 

 

This comes to a sudden end when Emmaline’s mother enrolls her at St. Grimelda’s, a boarding school with a strict reputation, and a nasty headmistress. Oh, and trained pterodactyls, although nobody is supposed to know about that. 

 

Emmaline is predictably miserable, and wants to escape, but all letters are censored, visits are not allowed, and nobody has ever successfully escaped. 

 

Sensing something wrong, Aunt Lucy packs up Rubberbones, Lal Singh, and the vicar’s dog, and heads out to do, well, something. Joining them in their scheme is a retired Confederate officer who has turned mad scientist and inventor, the local gypsy band, and a half-blind old man, who is out to hunt those giant crows from the school. 

 

Helping Emmaline from within is Josie, a large and athletic girl who will graduate soon and is the only student who isn’t afraid of the staff, and an unknown girl who helps her secretly. Oh, and there is also a foreign princess (from a made-up country near India) who is ready to disembowel anyone who stands in her way of escape. 

 

The book is definitely intended to be silly and over-the-top, so best not to hope for any sort of realism, although magic is strictly out of the question. The humor (and there is plenty) ranges from some pretty funny and higher class puns and historical references to good old slapstick. My kid laughed a lot. 

 

There is no point in spoiling the plot, but there are some rather fun episodes. Like the one involving a village football game. Let’s just say that “soccer hooligan” has historical roots. And, like any slapstick book, it needs to have a proper wheeled contraption going far too fast and having a spectacular crash. It’s in the rulebook. 

 The Trilocipede...

The book is from 2006, and I have to remind myself that this was nearly 20 years ago. I know it is not just British books from this era, but the Harry Potter series also suffers from what seem like lazy colonialist stereotypes. And by that, I don’t mean the sort of issues books a generation before that have, where the non-white characters are either left in the background, or serve only certain roles in the lives of the central white characters. More, it is that in writing about a past era, the issues of race are neatly glossed or ignored. And, of course, the use of “gypsy” would not fly today, even if the characters themselves are portrayed rather well, with the usual stereotypes undermined intentionally. 

 

I guess in part, how does one write a goofy comedy about the England of over 100 years ago? Do you (like so many older books) just pretend only white people existed? Or do you have a token Indian butler (or in America, a mammy)? Do you attempt to make the non-white characters important to the story and have three-dimensional characters, yet ignore the issues that those characters would face in a British society of the era? That last approach is the one the book takes. 

 

I kind of hate to go that direction in a review of a very funny book that is really more of an alternative universe than a realistic portrayal of Victorian England. And one that actually does try to subvert the expectations of stereotype. But today’s kids are more perceptive on these issues, so expect a conversation or two. 

 

The illustrations in the book, by Bill Slavin, are wonderful throwback style line drawings, and are every bit as funny as the story. I have no idea if there is an audiobook, but I would recommend finding a print version for the illustrations.