Coyote V. ACME by Ian Frazier

Source of book: Borrowed from the library

 

I picked up this book for the title essay. I’m not sure if I have read any Ian Frazier before, but he is considered a bit of a classic of the humor genre. 

 

The book itself is a mixed bag. Some of the essays are, unsurprisingly, culturally dated. Not having been immersed in 1990s culture that much, there were several that I honestly did not understand at all. There are others that just seem flat now, for a variety of reasons. 

 

That said, the best of the pieces are really funny, and worth the book by themselves. It is a short book, and no essay is more than 6 pages, so no real wasted time on the lesser ones. 

 

For the most part, rather than giving quotes, I will just discuss specific pieces. The whole is greater than individual parts in this case. 

 

Let’s start with the famous title essay. It is in the form of a legal complaint or maybe an “opening statement” against the ACME corporation for a variety of torts: negligence, product liability, false advertising. The legal form is a bit hazy, which is fine for humor. 

 

The best part about this is that it actually is really close to what an actual legal pleading would look like. It is a bit more snarky and less dry, but….not by much. And the legal elements are properly pleaded and organized. It’s a fine bit of legal writing, honestly, even if not strictly on the usual form. I laughed the whole way through. 

 

I was going to try to find quotes, but, well, it’s too hard to find one that isn’t a page long. Fortunately, if you want to read it (and don’t have a New Yorker subscription), the Texas State Bar has a PDF of their reprint here. 

 

I also want to mention “Boswell’s Life of Don Johnson.” That is exactly what it sounds like. A bit of a biography of Don Johnson, as if written by Boswell. It’s hilarious, if you are familiar with the original and Don Johnson’s, um, colorful life. 

 

Another quite humorous celebrity piece is “Thanks for the Memory,” which makes fun of Bob Hope’s golf story, which he has told with different facts numerous times. Frazier takes it to the most ludicrous extremes, name dropping everyone from Dan Quayle to William Faulkner. It is a bit in the tradition of the Tall Tale, but a bit more modern. 

 

“In the Plain Air” is a dramatization of a label on one of Manet’s paintings at the Met. And also Manet’s snarky comments about Renoir: “He has no talent at all that boy!”

 

In Frazier’s scenario, the three get into a fight, and Renoir makes a great cut at Manet:

 

“The public will revere my name long after it has given up trying to tell which is you and which is Claude.” 

 

And, admittedly, unless you are a fan of impressionism, you might not be that familiar with Manet, or be able to identify one of his paintings. 

 

Another legal-adjacent piece that I really enjoyed was “Have You Ever.” It is in the form of an insurance questionnaire directed to characters in “daytime television dramas” - otherwise known as soap operas. 

 

It is directed to the characters, not the actors. So, for example, have you ever:

 

3. Been declared legally dead

 

Followed by a disclaimer:

 

All respondents please note that federal law prohibits refusal of coverage for any criterion not specifically outlined in section five of the licensing charter. However, because of statistically higher rates of implausible disappearance for nonwhite protagonists, First Mutual reserves the right to take into account previous storyline in the event of any such character’s revival or unlikely return. 

 

There is so much more, including checkboxes for the silliest (but real) soap plot twists. 

 

I also found “Issues and Non-issues” to be pretty funny. It is an absurd division of things into “I” and “Non-I.” Whether you consider this exercise to be one of logic or philosophy, it is clearly ripe for satire. 

 

Examples in this piece:

 

Issue: Gangsta Rap

Non-Issue: Gangsta gift wrap

 

Or:

 

Issue: Golf junkets

Non-Issue: Miniature-golf junkets

 

I’ll end with “Making ‘Movies’ in New York.” This one describes - or maybe imagines - the takeover of New York City streets for movies. Having grown up in Los Angeles, yeah, this isn’t far off at all, and definitely funny for anyone who has seen a movie shoot where nothing seems to ever happen. Frazier questions if any actual movies are being made….or is it something else? 

 

So what are they up to, if they’re not making movies? One rather obvious answer comes immediately to mind. They spend a lot of time in and near large motor homes - a favorite recreation of Californians. They move about the city from place to place; Californians are known for their mobility. Many of them are tan. They like to set up buffet tables in the out-of-doors - habit reminiscent of the patio-style dining favored in California. The food on the buffet tables is usually juices, fresh fruit, and vegetables - well-known staples of the Californian diet. In short, these self-described “on-location crews” may simply be Californians who have adapted to the environment of New York City. 

 

As I said, the best of this collection is really funny. I have another Ian Frazier book on my list somewhere, and I will look forward to reading it in the future.