White Fragility: Discussing Racist Policies in the Age of Trump

I wrote this post after a few frustrating - and revealing - conversations with some older white persons of my acquaintance - but this is a microcosm of the experience of discussing race with many white people in the Trump Era. This has been particularly apparent when discussing anything related to either Black Lives Matter, or immigration policy.

Basically, the conversation tends to go like this:

I point out the glaringly obvious, that a particular policy of the Trump Administration or the Republican Party is openly racially motivated - and harming people. Something that is obvious to pretty much any person of color I know - and a large majority of those I know my age and younger.

A white person - usually older, but nearly always a Trump voter - gets all offended, claiming I am overgeneralizing, making accusations, or insulting them.

I point out that it takes an epic level of denialism to miss the obvious racism, and mention that this is common to white people - and to white people of a certain age and religious belief.  

Said white person takes this as a personal attack.

I have some observations about this. For what they are worth:

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1. Denial runs so freaking deep.

I still cannot believe how impossible it is to convince Trump voters that his policies are racist. He practically BRAGS about it. The people he surrounds himself with (see: Stephen Miller and Steve Bannon, to name just two) use White Supremacist arguments and terminology - plus they push the exact same policies as white supremacist groups. His former chief advisor is touring Europe stirring up hate against brown-skinned immigrants. His ICE director attends anti-immigrant hate group conferences. At some point (and it has passed um...several years ago) this becomes willful ignorance. This is people refusing to see what is right in front of their eyes.

I have written so much about this, I don’t want to rehash it.

I have also pointed out - with reputable sources - over and over again the many - and increasing numbers of people genuinely harmed by Trump’s racist policies. And nothing changes. Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt.

2. White fragility is definitely a thing.

I will admit, I myself have this tendency, and I hadn’t really come to terms with it until relatively recently. My journey away from this way of thinking has been a process, significantly triggered by a series of events over the last 20 years. (Starting with my escape from the Bill Gothard cult after graduating from law school and moving out on my own. But particularly triggered by my wrestling with what it really means to love my neighbor as myself - including neighbors outside of my race and income level.)

But over the last few years, I have really started to notice white fragility. Any time I point out obvious racism, many white people in my life (particularly conservatives, Evangelicals, and Baby Boomers) get really freaking defensive. They take it really personally. In part, I believe this is because they voted for Trump. To vote for the KKK candidate and yet cling to one’s belief that Trump didn’t run on and isn’t governing on the KKK platform requires a lot of cognitive dissonance.

And, as I have come to understand, many Trump voters who would never consider themselves racist turn out to have really racist views - and political goals. (Particularly when it comes to immigration - that one is a real hot button.) So when I mention that Trump is pursuing racist policies, I implicate them.

In particular, my words and actions do the following, which trigger White Fragility (borrowed from the link above):

-           Suggesting that a white person’s viewpoint comes from a racialized frame of reference (challenge to objectivity)

-           Choosing not to protect the racial feelings of white people in regards to race (challenge to white racial expectations and need/entitlement to racial comfort)

-           As a fellow white not providing agreement with one’s interpretations (challenge to white solidarity)

-           Giving feedback that one’s behavior had a racist impact (challenge to white liberalism)

-           Suggesting that group membership is significant (challenge to individualism)

-           Acknowledging that access is unequal between racial groups (challenge to meritocracy)

These predictably result in hostility, defensiveness, and accusations against me that I am not being nice, that I am being misogynist (if the person I challenge is female - particularly an older female), that I have insulted them, and so on.

More than anything, I break the White Solidarity Code™ by actually using the “R Word” - Racism - to describe what is happening.

In addition, there is a demand that I not group them with others of their race. Individualism allows whites to distance themselves from the actions of their racial group and demand to be granted the benefit of the doubt, as individuals, in all cases. Which is exactly what is going on here. They want the benefit of the doubt - to be seen as good, moral people - even as they defend inhumane policies directed at people of color. They feel threatened when I point out that this election was a white temper tantrum that has gravely endangered the wellbeing of people of color - and make my words out to be more serious than the very real threats -backed by government power - to life, bodily integrity, and other human rights that have escalated against non-whites.

A few years ago, before the last election, I probably would have disputed the existence of White Fragility. Now, its existence is thoroughly proven.

3. Our biggest problem in political discussions is a pathological lack of empathy by those on the Right for people who are not white, straight, middle-to-upper class, male, and born in the United States.

Boy, people bristle when I say this. But it is absolutely f-ing true.

When you see unarmed African Americans (including children) gunned down by the police, and you say “Black Lives Matter is a media creation, and racialized police brutality is a myth,” you have a pathological lack of empathy.

When the response to a law (that nearly passed - thank you John McCain…) that would have stripped health care from the disabled, the elderly, and 45% of children under age 5 and you say “they are all just lazy,” you have a pathological lack of empathy.

When you see children separated from their parents (often permanently) and put in prisons and cages, and your reaction is “serves them right for coming here when our laws say we don’t want them,” you have a pathological lack of empathy.

When your response to refugees and asylum seekers is “why do we have any obligation to take them in?” you have a pathological lack of empathy.

When your response to an administration going through and revoking passports (and citizenship) for people because a midwife might have lied on the birth certificate is basically, “what’s wrong with that?” you have a pathological lack of empathy.

I’ve said it, and I will keep saying it, even though it offends a LOT of people in my life:

If your approach to immigration - or other racial issues - does not start with “how can I love my neighbor” and a recognition that immigrants ARE our neighbors, then you do not have a recognizably Christian ethic.

That virtually everyone in my life who has said one or more of the above things is 1) allegedly Christian, and 2) white, is strong evidence that we have a serious problem with empathy and basic human decency.

It seems for some reason that they are incapable of actually putting themselves in the shoes of others, and realizing the catastrophic damage which their political agendas would cause. That is why I say “pathological.” Their inability or unwillingness to use empathy causes violence and damage to other people. That is a pathology.

4. As a result of the above, many white people I know are FAR more offended that I called them on their racism than they are about children in cages, separated families, US citizens being persecuted and forced to prove they belong here, or unarmed African Americans being murdered by the police.

I am serious. I actually had someone claim my pushback on their racism was the harmful thing, not the genuine and serious harm being done to people because of the color of their skin.

And that is why White Fragility prevents us from having an honest discussion about racial issues - and specifically the malevolent and harmful policies that are damaging millions of people.

5. Trump voters have zero willingness to take responsibility for the harm they have caused.

When I was a kid, I was taught that you don’t harm people. But if you do, you apologise and try to repair the damage.

Along with many others, I spoke out before the election warning people that Trump promised to harm whole groups of people: immigrants, refugees, brown-skinned people, African Americans, LGBTQ people, low income people on Medicaid, disabled people, children.

And guess what? He is doing exactly what he promised to do. So, if you voted for him, you are morally responsible for the harm. Stop trying to weasel out of your responsibility.

I have seen ZERO remorse from Trump voters. I can point out the damage being done to people all day until I am blue in the face, but it does no good. It is hard not to conclude that there is such a pathological lack of empathy (see above) toward people outside the narrow tribe that nothing can penetrate it. No amount of horror and carnage will convince them that they made a mistake. Maybe someday when it is people like them, they will care. But “those people” apparently don’t actually matter.

6. Many white people have zero interest in actually asking WHY they support harmful policies.

They have no interest in asking why we even have a “denaturalization task force.” As in, “why do we want to take citizenship away from people anyway?”

They have no interest in asking why we put children in cages.

They have no interest in asking why the Trump Administration wants to virtually end immigration from the developing world.

They have no interest in asking what the common thread is that ties all of the harmful policies together.

Why not?

Might it be that they wish to support those policies without admitting to themselves that the motivation is racism?

It’s much easier to simply take offense when I point out the blindingly obvious: yes, these policies are motivated by racism. Yes, they harm people - including a lot of children. And yes, supporting them is strong evidence that you too are racist.

Get over it. If you want to be thought of as a decent, compassionate, non-racist person...it’s time to start acting like one.

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Just an illustration here:

Recently in the news is the fact that the Trump Administration has been revoking the passports of people who are United States Citizens. Why? Well, over a 40 year period, some midwives falsified birth certificates to show that babies were born on US soil, when they were born in Mexico, just across the border. Said midwives were prosecuted. Now, the Trump Administration wants to strip citizenship from the persons (many of whom are middle aged), and deport them to Mexico.

So, let’s think this through:

An infant is born. Presumably said infant has no choice in where, and no memory of the event.

Infant grows up in the United States believing he or she is a native-born United States Citizen.

Former infant goes to school, gets a job, has a family, makes a life here. Eventually, that person gets a US Passport. (BTW, if you have a US Passport, that means you have no drug convictions, no restrictions on travel as a result of a criminal conviction, no back child support, no IRS liens, and no defaulted federal student loans. These are not, shall we say, terrible people - they are ordinary people with ordinary lives.)

Suddenly, they get a notice - or even a knock on the door by ICE - that their passports are being terminated, and they are being considered for denaturalization (losing citizenship) and deportation.

Being deported would mean their lives would be destroyed. They would be evicted from the only country they knew. They would lose their jobs. They probably would lose their families. Everything they had would now be gone.

Remember: these people have committed NO crime. They have done NOTHING morally wrong. They are innocent.

What is your response to this situation?

Think carefully before you answer.

Will your answer look like this:

“According to the article 79 midwives in that corridor were convicted of selling fake birth certificates for babies born In Mexico. That's probably many babies. Those babies are adults now and so in 2008 the law was made more restrictive and the checks more comprehensive. I guess my question is, what else should they do? Should they make it an all over the country search or concentrate on the area where there has been a problem?”

That’s an actual quote from an older white person I know.

Let that sink in for a few moments.

The response to a policy aimed at destroying the lives of innocent people is….wait for it….wait for it….

Should we do this everywhere, or just in the places where most of the bad acts occurred?

Yes, I lost it at that point. Sorry not sorry.

Because that is not the response of a person thinking with basic human decency. That is a person acting out of a pathological lack of empathy. And I said so.

Now, compare this with the response from another person I know. (BTW, also white, but...and I think this matters: with a non-white child.)

“The people who issued the birth certificates falsely should be prosecuted and the people who have them be left alone as the citizens that they are.”

Succinct, to the point, and morally admirable. Punish those who did wrong, but leave the innocent people alone.

People, this isn’t that hard. It’s basically ethics 101. My youngest child can understand this - and could have as a toddler.

Don’t hurt people. Don’t hurt innocent people. Don’t punish people when they haven’t done anything wrong.

Why is this so hard?

Again, decent human beings do not conclude “destroy the lives of innocent people.” You can only come to that conclusion if something has stripped compassion and empathy from your soul.

What might that something be? My personal theories are 1) Fox News has been spewing xenophobia for decades, and this has led to a dehumanization of immigrants - particularly the brown-skinned ones. 2) Partisanship - the GOP is viewed by whites (mostly Evangelicals and Boomers) as always right, even when they go full White Supremacist. 3) White Evangelicalism has taught people that sin is “breaking the rules,” and that God will eternally torment people for doing so. This, combined with the dehumanizing of people outside of the faith, has led to an automatic vindictiveness toward anyone who is perceived as having broken a rule - particularly if that person is outside the white Evangelical tribe. We try to emulate our gods, and when they are cruel and vindictive, we become so too.

The combination of these factors is why a depressing number of white people in my life keep defending the indefensible destruction of the lives of others, and can’t seem to get basic compassionate ethics right.

Honestly, I feel like I don’t even inhabit the same moral universe anymore. Many of the people who taught me my morals and ethics turn out to...not really believe them. I was taught hurting people was wrong. I was taught racism was wrong. I was taught that good people didn’t stand by and let minorities get abused by the government. I was told by people that they would have opposed slavery and supported the Civil Rights Movement. That one turned out to be bullshit once an actual, real life civil and human rights issue affected them. I am ashamed.

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Here is the other question that I asked - and have never yet received an ethically informed answer.

What possible good would come out of denaturalizing and deporting people?

Clearly, it is horrible for the people having their lives destroyed. But what GOOD does it accomplish? These aren’t dangerous, criminal people. (And if they were committing crimes, presumably they were arrested and prosecuted just like any other citizen. Okay, if they had brown skin, probably they were more likely to be arrested and prosecuted.)

How is this good for the United States? You just kicked out a productive citizen. You created fear and uncertainty for thousands of others - including plenty who were literally born here but who would get harassed anyway. You made it less likely that they will feel like they (and people with their skin color) will feel welcome here and part of our nation. You just made it less likely that they will report genuine criminals to law enforcement. You have torpedoed the good will that they felt.

How is this a good thing?

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Okay, how about the elephant in the room.

There is a class of people for whom the response is definitely “destroy the lives of innocent people.” There are people who think that discouraging immigration from so-called “shithole countries” is a good thing. These are the people who think that preserving the ethnic makeup of the United States is a legitimate policy goal.

The term for these people is “Racists.”

I’m not going to sugarcoat that one. If you want to keep - and force - people out who don’t share your skin color or national origin, then you are by definition racist. And racism is not in any way consistent with the teachings of Christ. Sorry not sorry. That’s the truth, and I will keep saying it.

The core belief here is one that has plagued the United States since its founding - although it isn’t just a problem in the United States. It is a belief in the inherent superiority of white people of European descent. That’s also known as “White Supremacy.” It is also completely incompatible with the teachings of Christ.

And please don’t give me the fiction of “we have to punish innocent people so others won’t break our laws.” First, that’s ethically ludicrous - find a way to punish the guilty, not the innocent. Second, wouldn’t a better way to fix the problem be to give people a reasonably easy and available way to come here legally? As in, actually fix our laws so that hardworking people who wish to immigrate can actually do so without restriction? (Like most of our [white] ancestors did, remember?)

And at this point in virtually every conversation I have had about immigration policy, the person shifts to some variant of “but we already have too many of those kind of people here.” Thus revealing that it is, in nearly all cases, really about racism after all.

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One of the things I purposed to do in the wake of the election of The White Supremacist Who Shall Not Be Named is that no longer would I let racism and hate pass without comment from people I know. I was not going to just let people defend policies that actually hurt people without saying something. I was going to speak up. Yes, that makes people (particularly older white people) VERY uncomfortable, and they get defensive and try to make it about my tone. Sorry not sorry. I’m going to keep using the “R word,” and I am going to call you out if you support cruel, racist policies, or say racist shit on my posts.

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I’ll end this post with a couple verses from Proverbs 3:29-30

Hint: This verse isn’t about people who make you uncomfortable when you defend racist policies or candidates. It’s about ACTUAL harm to your neighbor. Like putting kids in cages, separating families, kicking citizens out of our country, harassing brown-skinned people, and murdering African Americans. That’s real harm - not just white fragility.

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I linked it above, but I really think it is worth reading.

White Fragility by Robin DeAngelo

When I discovered it in the aftermath of the election (I believe an African American friend posted it), it really changed my thinking. I recognized the source of my own defensiveness - which I still fight against. It also explained why using the “R word” freaked many of my white friends and family out. Around the same time, I read Martin Luther King Jr.’s “Letter from a Birmingham Jail” with my kids. Among other things, I was really struck by his view of the purpose of protest: to increase tension and discomfort. The enemy of reform isn’t angry racists - it’s white moderates who want to be comfortable and self righteous while quietly voting against reform. By challenging them, we make them take a side. They can either stop silently supporting the oppressors, or they can be exposed as racists. They can choose how to react, but the fault is not with those of us who make them uncomfortable.

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And this one too, which is pretty much how any discussion of racism goes these days (follow the link for the whole thread):